Why Bother With Workplace Conflict Resolution If You Don’t Like The Person?

Imagine this: You’re stuck on a project with a coworker whose emails always sound condescending. They dismiss your input in meetings, and their tone grates on you. You’ve tried being polite, but every interaction leaves you irritated. Do you bring it up? Or do you grit your teeth, vent to a friend, and move on?

At home, it’s different. If your partner or a close friend upset you, you’re more likely to address it—because the relationship matters. But at work, if you don’t like or respect the person, why put in the emotional labor? Why not just tolerate it, disengage, or wait for it to blow over?

It’s a natural reaction. Conflict resolution takes effort, and when we don’t have a personal stake in the relationship, that effort feels wasted. However, here’s what we often overlook: resolving workplace conflict isn’t about forming friendships or forcing yourself to like the other person. It’s about removing unnecessary friction so you can do your best work and advance your career.

Liking Someone Isn’t a Prerequisite for Resolving Conflict

Too often, we think resolving conflict requires emotional connection. But it’s not about deepening a bond—it’s about improving functionality. You don’t need to like your coworker; you just need to work with them.

What does that look like? It could mean addressing miscommunication directly, clarifying expectations, or setting firmer boundaries. It’s not about changing them or forcing yourself to be more tolerant. It’s about making your work hours less frustrating and more productive.

Why It’s Worth It Anyway

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear—it just shifts the cost. Unresolved tension drains mental energy, increases stress, and affects productivity. Over time, it can even damage your professional reputation. A pattern of avoiding conflict can signal to colleagues and leaders that you struggle with difficult conversations—a key skill for leadership and career growth.

The goal isn’t to befriend the person. It’s to create an environment where you don’t have to dread every interaction. A short, uncomfortable conversation now can mean months (or years) of smoother collaboration.

You don’t have to like someone to make work easier for yourself. You just have to decide that your energy, sanity, and career trajectory are worth the effort.

Struggling with workplace conflict? A few coaching sessions can help you handle tough conversations with clarity and confidence. Let’s talk.

Why Leaders Need Human-Led Communication Training—To Keep Their Edge with AI

A tech leader asks, “With AI advancing so quickly, do we still need human-led communication training?”

It’s a fair question. AI is impressive—it can process vast amounts of data, generate polished content instantly, refine messaging, and even mimic human speech patterns. But when it comes to the heart of communication—understanding, attunement, and connection, which build trust, resolve conflicts, and inspire teams—humans still have the upper hand.

AI Misses the Human Layer—The Real Body and Beating Heart

Imagine an engineer presenting a new idea to leadership. AI could refine their slides, adjust tone, and predict likely objections. But can it sense the hesitation in a skeptical stakeholder? Can it pivot in the moment, reading the room and adjusting based on nonverbal cues?

Only a human body can read the room.

Or consider a performance review. AI might suggest structured feedback, but it won’t notice an employee’s clenched jaw or downcast eyes—the subtle signs that signal deeper concerns requiring real-time emotional intelligence.

Only a human heart can truly understand.

Where Humans Will Always Surpass AI in Communication

* Reading the Unspoken: AI processes words. Humans perceive nuance. We pick up on microexpressions, subtle tone shifts, and pauses that reveal more than words alone. A hesitant “I’m fine” carries an emotional weight that AI might miss—but a skilled communicator won’t.

* Adapting in Real Time: AI follows patterns. Humans break them. Whether in a difficult conversation or a high-stakes negotiation, we sense when to push, when to pause, and when to change our approach. This ability to pivot in response to a moment’s energy is uniquely human.

* Creating True Attunement: AI predicts likely responses. Humans feel them. Human connection and trust thrive on genuine empathy—sensing another’s emotions, responding with care, and adapting not just based on logic, but on shared experience. Great communicators create attunement, fostering deep trust that AI-generated words can’t replicate.

* Making Meaning, Not Just Information: AI provides data. Humans inspire action through shared experience. Communication isn’t just about transmitting information; it’s about making meaning. We draw on personal stories, values, and lived experience to inspire, persuade, and connect in ways that go beyond data-driven responses.

AI is a powerful tool—but communication that truly resonates, motivates, and transforms? That remains a distinctly human art. In a world where AI is advancing rapidly, human communication skills aren’t becoming obsolete—they’re becoming more essential. To stay ahead of AI where it matters, investing in communication training is more critical than ever.

AI is evolving fast—but will it ever replace the depth of human connection? Where do you think humans will always have the edge?

How To Handle Tough Feedback With Professional Grace

Your manager calls you in. They look tense and the words land like a gut punch: “Your presentation didn’t hit the mark. We need you to be clearer and more concise.” Your pulse spikes. A dozen defenses rush in—They didn’t give me clear expectations! or I worked so hard on that!

Feedback, especially when unexpected, can feel like an attack. But reacting defensively—dismissing it, arguing, or shutting down—often makes things worse. It can create tension, damage trust, and even lead to harsher feedback in the future about how hard it is to work with you. What if, instead, you could turn this moment into an opportunity for growth and building credibility?

1. Pause & Breathe

Your first instinct might be to push back—“I was clear!”—or withdraw. But this reaction can make you seem resistant or difficult to work with. Instead, take a slow breath. This interrupts your fight-or-flight response and gives you a moment to respond intentionally.

2. Listen for the Need Behind the Words

The Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model suggests that behind every critique is an unmet need. If your manager says, “You need to be clearer,” they may be needing efficiency or alignment. Instead of reacting to the wording, ask: “Could you share what clarity would look like for you?”

3. Separate Intent from Impact

It’s easy to take feedback personally, as we tend to equate feedback with judgment and jump to conclusions. Instead, get curious: “What parts felt unclear or too long? Can you give me an example so that I understand better?” This approach signals professionalism and invites constructive dialogue.

4. Find the Growth Opportunity

Even poorly delivered feedback can contain useful data. Use “feedforward”—focus on future action. If you hear, “This report was too vague,” instead of arguing, ask for advice and respond with: “I see. Next time, I’ll incorporate your suggestions.” This shifts the conversation toward solutions.

5. Regulate & Reflect

Later, check in with yourself. What emotions surfaced? What patterns do you notice? This self-awareness strengthens your ability to navigate feedback without reactivity.

Handled well, tough feedback isn’t a threat—it’s a tool. And when you engage with it professionally, you shape how others see you: as someone who listens, adapts, and leads with humility and courage.

Want to strengthen your leadership presence and communication skills? Coaching can help you stay grounded, respond effectively, and turn feedback into a career advantage. Contact me to schedule a free discovery call.

Why Understanding Others Starts With You.

Imagine this: Two colleagues are discussing a project deadline. One, feeling the pressure, bluntly says, “We need this done ASAP.” The other, already feeling unappreciated, hears it as criticism and shuts down. Frustration builds, and what could have been a simple conversation turns into tension and resentment.

This happens all the time—not because people don’t listen, but because they listen through their own filters. We interpret words based on our stress levels, past experiences, and personality patterns. Without self-awareness, we react rather than respond, misinterpreting intentions and escalating conflicts.

The Enneagram offers a powerful framework for understanding these patterns. A Type 3 might hear urgency as a challenge to their competence, while a Type 6 might see it as a sign that things are falling apart. Recognizing our tendencies helps us step back, check our assumptions, and engage with curiosity rather than reactivity.

Listening to self isn’t about being self-absorbed—it’s about noticing how our internal narratives shape what we hear. Are we assuming the worst? Are we responding to what was said or what we fear it means? When we pause and notice these patterns, we create space for better conversations.

The paradox is clear: The more we attune to ourselves, the better we understand others. By deepening self-awareness, we move beyond knee-jerk reactions and hear what’s actually being said—not just what our personality expects to hear. That’s the foundation of true connection.

Want to uncover your own filters—and your unique gifts? Exploring the Enneagram is a great way to start. Get in touch with me to schedule an Enneagram type exploration.

Don’t Overrely on Words: The Power of Nonverbal Cues in Communication

You’ve carefully structured your argument, chosen the right words, and presented your case. But instead of agreement, you’re met with hesitation. “Let’s revisit this later.” What went wrong?

Often, it’s not what we say—it’s how we say it. Research suggests over half of communication is nonverbal, yet many professionals, especially in STEM, rely almost entirely on words. The result? Misinterpretation, messages that don’t land as intended, and loss of influence.

Think about the last time someone told you, “I’m open to feedback,” but their arms were crossed, their foot tapped impatiently on the floor, and their tone was clipped. Did you believe them? Probably not. We sense misalignment instinctively, and when words don’t match body language, we trust the body more.

Or consider two engineers pitching the same idea. The first speaks clearly but stares at their laptop, arms crossed. The second maintains steady eye contact, gestures naturally, and modulates their voice for emphasis. Who’s more persuasive? The second—not because their idea is better, but because their delivery feels more confident and credible.

A key factor in aligning words and body language is self-awareness. If you’re anxious, your body knows before your brain catches up—your voice tightens, posture shrinks, or gestures become rigid. Instead of ignoring it, acknowledge it: “I’m feeling nervous, but I believe in this idea.” Simply naming your state can help regulate it, allowing you to adjust your tone, stance, or gestures intentionally.

Try this before an important conversation: Take a deep breath, plant your feet firmly, and exhale slowly. Roll your shoulders back, soften your gaze, and remind yourself of your intention: What do I want them to understand? This simple practice can help you shift from tension to presence.

Here’s how to ensure your nonverbal cues work for you, not against you:

• Tune into yourself. Before speaking, ask: What am I feeling? How is it showing up in my body? Awareness is the first step to making adjustments.

• Check your posture. Upright and open exudes confidence; slouching suggests uncertainty.

• Be mindful of gestures. Hands jammed in pockets signal nervousness; purposeful gestures reinforce key points.

• Use eye contact strategically. Not a stare-down, but enough to convey confidence and engagement.

• Match your tone to your message. A hesitant voice undercuts a strong argument. A warm tone softens critical feedback.

• Read the room. Others’ nonverbal reactions tell you when to clarify, pause, or shift approach.

In STEM, where complex ideas need clarity and trust, communication is more than words. It’s how you show up.

Have you ever seen great ideas fall flat due to poor delivery? What helped you or your colleagues improve?

Beyond Stereotypes: How The Enneagram Enhances Team Effectiveness

The Enneagram is often dismissed as just another personality test—one that puts people into neat little boxes. And no one likes to be reduced to a stereotype. But in reality, the Enneagram does the opposite. Rather than assigning fixed traits, it uncovers the deeper motivations, fears, and patterns that shape how we think and work. And when applied thoughtfully, it can be a game-changer for team effectiveness.

Moving Beyond Labels

A common misconception is that the Enneagram simply categorizes people into nine types. But the real power lies in understanding why people behave the way they do. Two people may be equally detail-oriented, but if one is driven by a fear of making mistakes (Type 1) and the other by a desire to be seen as competent (Type 3), they will respond very differently to feedback, pressure, and collaboration.

Why It Matters for Teams

When teams operate without awareness of these deeper drivers, miscommunication thrives. A highly analytical Type 5 may seem disengaged in meetings—not because they don’t care, but because they process information internally before speaking. A Type 8 leader may push for directness, unaware that their intensity shuts down quieter team members. These dynamics create friction unless addressed.

A Real-World Shift

One of my recent clients, a leader of a small company, used the Enneagram to enhance their team's dynamic. During the workshop, they suddenly realized that a teammate’s tendency to highlight worst-case scenarios wasn’t chronic negativity but a natural ability to anticipate and troubleshoot risks early. Adjusting their communication with their employee led to a deeper mutual understanding, greater appreciation, and less frustration.

Applying the Enneagram to Improve Teamwork

Here’s how teams can use the Enneagram to work more effectively:

* Leverage Strengths – A Type 9’s ability to see multiple perspectives can balance a Type 8’s decisiveness, leading to better-informed decisions.

* Improve Communication – Recognizing that a colleague’s hesitation isn’t resistance but a need for more clarity can shift interactions.

* Resolve Conflicts Faster – Instead of assuming bad intentions, teams can recognize different stress responses and adjust accordingly.

By integrating the Enneagram with proven communication models, organizations create stronger, more attuned teams—fostering trust, psychological safety, and efficiency. The key isn’t to box people in but to give them the tools to understand and work better together.

How has personality awareness helped your team? I’d love to hear your experiences!

Feedback Made Simple: Using The Enneagram To Tailor Your Approach

Have you ever given feedback that completely missed the mark? Maybe a well-intended suggestion was met with defensiveness, or your careful advice left someone feeling unmotivated instead of inspired. Feedback is meant to foster growth, but when it’s delivered in a way that clashes with a person’s natural tendencies, it can backfire—leading to frustration, disengagement, or even conflict.

The Enneagram—a powerful framework for understanding the nine personality strategies—helps you tailor your approach so your feedback lands effectively. Here’s how to adapt your message based on different personality types:

1. The Analytical Thinker (Types 1, 5, 6)

These types value logic, structure, and clear reasoning. Vague or emotional feedback won’t resonate. Be precise and offer concrete examples. Example: “Your analysis is solid. To strengthen it, adding a summary of key findings could enhance clarity.”

2. The Relationship-Oriented (Types 2, 4, 9)

These individuals prioritize connection and harmony. Harsh or impersonal feedback can feel like rejection. Acknowledge their efforts before offering suggestions. Example: “Your dedication to the team is clear. One small shift—asserting your ideas earlier—could make your contributions even more impactful.”

3. The Action-Driven (Types 3, 7, 8)

They thrive on efficiency and results. Over-explaining or focusing too much on emotions may feel like a waste of time. Keep feedback direct and action-focused. Example: “You’re driving great results. If you delegate more, you’ll free up time for bigger strategic moves.”

By aligning feedback with an individual’s Enneagram type, you shift from ineffective critique to constructive dialogue. The key? Precision, empathy, and a customized approach—making feedback simple, yet powerful.

Want to transform the way you and your team give and receive feedback? Explore individual or team-based Enneagram type discovery and training on effective feedback strategies. Let’s turn feedback into a tool for real growth. Reach out to get started!

Turning Conflict Into Collaboration In STEM Workplaces

Conflict is often seen as a roadblock—a frustrating detour that disrupts progress in the workplace. But conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. With the right approach, it can become a catalyst for trust and collaboration, strengthening relationships and sparking innovation.

At the heart of most conflicts lies a communication breakdown. Unaddressed personality habits and quirks can slowly chip away at trust. A brilliant idea may come across as criticism. A well-intentioned question might be heard as doubt. Frustrations and misunderstandings like these can quickly escalate, especially in high-stakes, high-pressure environments common in STEM.

The key to turning conflict into collaboration is to shift the focus from defending positions to understanding perspectives. This begins with intentional communication—ensuring that both parties feel heard, respected, and valued.

Start by listening. Not the kind of listening where you’re planning your next response, but deep listening, where your goal is to truly understand the other person’s perspective. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about what’s important to you here?” or “What outcome are you hoping for?”

Next, clarify. Restate what you’ve heard to confirm you’ve understood correctly. Simple phrases like, “What I hear you saying is…” can go a long way in defusing tension and building trust. 

These questions and reflections check for understanding, giving the other person space to make corrections or clarifications. We often assume we’ve understood correctly, only to discover we’ve missed the mark.

Finally, align. Focus on shared goals. In STEM workplaces, where success depends on teamwork, there’s almost always a common objective—whether it’s meeting a deadline, solving a technical challenge, or creating a better product. By anchoring the conversation in these shared goals, you can shift the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”

For those looking to deepen their communication skills, the Enneagram can be a valuable tool. It provides insights into how different personality types approach conflict, from the idealistic tendencies of Type 1 to the peacekeeping nature of Type 9. Understanding these dynamics can help teams navigate challenges with empathy and effectiveness.

Conflict in STEM workplaces is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to divide us. When approached with curiosity and respect, it can become a powerful force for collaboration and growth.

Are you ready to turn conflict into collaboration? Let’s connect to explore practical strategies for transforming your team’s communication.

The Enneagram As A Communication Compass For STEM Leaders

Effective collaboration relies on more than sharing good ideas—it thrives on clear, attuned communication. When two colleagues come together to solve a problem, their ability to understand and adapt to each other can determine whether the session sparks innovation or stalls. The Enneagram, a personality framework outlining nine distinct ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, offers a practical guide for enhancing interpersonal communication during these moments of collaboration.

Imagine one colleague embodies Type 6, often focused on seeking clarity and identifying risks. Their natural tendency is to ask detailed questions and evaluate potential pitfalls. Partnered with a Type 3 colleague, who thrives on goal-setting and efficiency, the two might initially clash. The Type 3 may feel the Type 6 is slowing things down with endless “what-ifs,” while the Type 6 might view the Type 3’s fast-paced approach as dismissive of deeper concerns.

Using the Enneagram as a communication compass, these colleagues can bridge their differences. The Type 6 can recognize their tendency to overanalyze and focus on contributing actionable insights, while the Type 3 can practice patience and acknowledge the value of thoughtful questioning.

The Enneagram also fosters empathy by revealing underlying motivations. A Type 2 might interpret their Type 8 colleague’s directness as harsh, but understanding that the 8 values honesty over sugar-coating can shift the 2’s perspective. Similarly, the 8 can recognize the 2’s need for connection and soften their tone to encourage collaboration.

By revealing both strengths and blind spots, the Enneagram equips colleagues to navigate interpersonal dynamics with greater self-awareness and adaptability. It helps conversations flow more smoothly, ensures both voices are heard, and transforms potential friction into a creative spark.

Do you know your Enneagram type? Understanding your type is the first step toward improving your communication. Let’s explore it together—reach out to find your type and discover how to use the Enneagram to elevate your collaboration skills!

Building Bridges, Not Walls: Empathy is Underrated in STEM Fields

In STEM fields, logic, precision, and technical expertise are often considered the bedrock of success. Yet, there’s a critical skill that remains underappreciated: empathy. Far from being a "soft" trait, empathy plays a vital role in improving communication, fostering collaboration, and ensuring technical projects succeed. Here’s why empathy is essential in STEM environments.

The Case for Empathy in STEM

STEM professionals frequently work in teams to solve complex problems. Whether collaborating across disciplines, communicating with non-technical stakeholders, or mentoring junior colleagues, success often hinges on how well we understand and connect with others. Empathy—the ability to see things from another’s perspective and respond appropriately—creates the conditions for:

* Effective Communication: Technical expertise means little if it can’t be communicated clearly. Empathy helps bridge the gap between technical jargon and the audience’s understanding.
* Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are inevitable in any workplace. Empathy allows teams to navigate conflicts by validating different viewpoints and finding common ground.
* Inclusive Innovation: Diverse perspectives lead to better solutions, but only if those perspectives are heard and valued. Empathy fosters an environment where everyone feels comfortable to contribute.

What Does Empathy Look Like in Action?

Empathy doesn’t require being an extrovert or overly "emotional". For STEM professionals, it can take forms such as:

* Active Listening: Giving full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back to ensure understanding.
* Adapting Communication Styles: Recognizing that colleagues, clients, or team members process information differently and tailoring your message accordingly.
* Pausing to Reflect: Before responding to a disagreement or challenge, considering the other person’s perspective and motivations.

Empathy as a Catalyst for Growth

Empathy isn’t just good for team dynamics; it’s a career accelerator. Leaders who demonstrate empathy earn trust, inspire loyalty, and build stronger teams. Empathy also leads to better problem-solving by encouraging open dialogue and collaboration—key ingredients for tackling multifaceted STEM challenges.

Where to Start

Whether empathy is a natural talent or feels like uncharted territory, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

* Practice curiosity. Ask colleagues about their challenges and listen without interrupting.
* Seek feedback. Invite others to share how your communication style impacts them and adjust as needed.
* Observe and adapt. Pay attention to nonverbal cues during interactions and refine your approach accordingly.

Empathy is not about abandoning logic or technical rigor. It’s about augmenting your expertise with a human touch.

How does empathy or lack thereof affect your workplace?

Why Communication Fails in STEM—and How to Fix It

In STEM, communication isn’t about polished eloquence or perfect writings. It’s about understanding others and being understood—while respecting one another. When that connection is missing, the consequences are costly: stalled projects, frustrated teams, and diminished productivity.

Imagine Sarah, a data scientist, presenting her findings to developers, marketers, and executives. Her slides are clear, her data compelling. Yet, developers are nodding off, marketers look confused, and executives ask questions disconnected from her core insights.

What went wrong?

Sarah’s presentation exists in a vacuum. She speaks the language of her field but hasn’t tailored her message to her audience. Developers want feasibility, marketers care about customer impact, and executives focus on strategic implications. By failing to adapt to her colleagues, Sarah leaves everyone feeling frustrated.

Instead of sparking collaboration, the meeting becomes an exercise in miscommunication. Sarah’s insights, though valuable, are lost in translation. Innovation slips away, and tension fills the room as the team leaves disengaged.

Too many meetings end like this—but they don’t have to.

If Sarah had adapted her message to each colleague’s needs, she could have sparked dynamic collaboration. Developers’ technical concerns, marketers’ focus on customer impact, and executives’ strategic goals could have been addressed. The result? Clarity, energy, and alignment.

This kind of communication doesn’t just make leaders more effective—it builds trust, engagement, and innovation across teams.

Writing or speaking well is valuable, but without genuine understanding, it falls flat. Attunement and connection are the foundations of effective communication.

As a former research specialist with two decades of experience, I’ve seen communication failures derail progress—not because of lack of speaking or writing skills, but because people failed to step out of their own perspectives and engage with others. For STEM leaders, where collaboration is essential, attunement, empathy, and adaptability are the true powers of communication.

Early in my career, I struggled with this myself. Over time, I developed tools to bridge these gaps—and now, I help others do the same.

I offer tailored programs that address these challenges head-on. Combining simple, effective models with the precision of the Enneagram, I help leaders and teams achieve alignment and collaboration that drives results.

Imagine a workplace where meetings are productive, misunderstandings resolved, and teams energized.

Take your leadership and team from misalignment to excellence. Contact me to schedule a free discovery call to discuss your needs.

Active Listening 101

As I wrote last month, Active Listening isn’t just a communication technique, it’s a method of building stronger, more meaningful connections through communication. Listening is just hearing words, Active Listening is about truly understanding and connecting with the person we’re in a conversation with. This not only makes a huge difference in personal relationships; it also has a profound impact in professional conversations. Here are actionable steps to take your listening from passive to active:

1. Show That You're Listening

• Be fully present.

• Face the speaker with an open posture. Avoid crossing your arms, which can seem closed off or defensive.

• Maintain eye contact.

• Nod occasionally and use small verbal cues like “I see” or “Go on.”

• Avoid distractions and multitasking (e.g., looking at your phone).

2. Manage Your Inner Dialogue 

• Listen with curiosity and the intent to truly understand words and emotions, rather than with a focus on what you want to say next.

• Avoid judgments and assumptions, as well as planning your response while listening. 

3. Pause Before Responding

Silence can be powerful. Resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or solutions. A brief pause allows you to process the speaker’s message and respond thoughtfully.

4. Reflect and Paraphrase

• Paraphrase what the speaker said: “So, you’re saying…” and check for understanding: “Did I get this right?”

• Allow space for the speaker to make corrections, and accept them.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions

By contrast with closed questions such as those that can only be responded to by “yes” or “no”, open-ended questions signal genuine curiosity and encourage deeper conversation. Invite the speaker to elaborate with questions like:

• “Can you tell me more about that?”

• “How do you feel about it?”

• “What do you think might help in this situation?”

6. Validate Emotions

Acknowledging emotions builds trust and connection, so show empathy by recognizing their feelings:

• “That sounds challenging” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

• “It sounds like this has been really frustrating/sad/scary for you.”

7. Summarize Key Points

Before ending the conversation, summarize the main ideas if it’s relevant to the situation.

• “If I understand correctly, your priorities are X and Y, and you’re looking for support with Z.” This step ensures alignment and clarity.

• “To wrap up, we’ve discussed these three options, with the following pros and cons, and we decided that our next step is… Did I get this right?”

Conclusion

Practicing these tips will enhance your communication and help build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Active listening isn’t just a skill—it’s a gift you give to others.

There Is No Effective Communication Without Active Listening

In professional and personal conversations, when we listen to someone else we often focus on what we want to say next rather than on understanding the other person fully. Yet, active listening - the practice of deeply focusing on the speaker’s message and checking for our understanding of it without immediate assessment or interruption - is the foundation of effective and satisfying communication. This approach of listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it involves attention, a desire to understand, and the intent to connect to the person we’re in communication with.

What is active listening?

Active listening is an intentional process where we not only hear the words being said but also seek to understand the intentions, ideas and emotions behind them. It involves acknowledging the speaker’s feelings, checking for understanding to avoid misunderstanding, reflecting on what they’ve shared, and, when appropriate, asking questions that encourage deeper exploration.

Why active listening is essential

• Builds rapport and trust
  When we genuinely listen, people feel respected and understood, which creates a foundation of trust. This trust is crucial in both personal and professional relationships, as it fosters openness and collaboration.

• Encourages authenticity and empathy
  Engaging with someone’s story or viewpoint shows empathy. This act of patience and open-mindedness allows for a more genuine connection, where individuals feel free to express themselves authentically. We might believe that such empathy is only needed in personal relationships, but it’s also crucial in professional ones, as we’re all very much driven by our emotional needs as well as the desire to be respected and valued.

• Minimizes miscommunication
  Many misunderstandings arise from assumptions. Active listening helps to avoid distortions and projections and allows to clarify points as they’re discussed, reducing the risk of misinterpretation. Paraphrasing or summarizing what we’ve heard can ensure both parties are on the same page. It’s especially important at the conclusion of a brainstorming session, and of course during any difficult conversation.

• Facilitates more thoughtful and effective responses
  When we listen actively, we’re better equipped to respond thoughtfully. Rather than bringing the topic back to ourselves while the other person is speaking, we can prepare responses that acknowledge their perspective and add value to the conversation.

Conclusion

Active listening isn’t just a communication technique; it’s the method of building stronger, more meaningful connections. By focusing on understanding others, we enrich our conversations and, ultimately, our relationships. The art of listening is often the most powerful tool we have to foster understanding and alignment in all facets of life - at work and at home.

In the next article, I will share some ideas to practice active listening so that you can continue to enhance your communication skills. Contact me if you’d like to explore working 1-1 with me to take your communication to the next level. 

Communication Problems Are Costly

Communication problems are very costly, both financially and emotionally.

In the workplace, misunderstandings, unclear instructions, and lack of effective feedback can lead to unnecessary stress, mistakes, missed deadlines, and low morale. Studies show that organizations can lose millions annually due to communication issues, as they waste time and resources on redoing work or resolving preventable conflicts.

In personal relationships, communication breakdowns can result in unresolved conflicts, hurt feelings, and mistrust. Over time, these issues diminish closeness and intimacy, leading to unfulfilling relationships and, in extreme cases, the loss of family connections or friendship. The cost of poor communication, then, goes beyond finances - it also impacts our most Important relationships and our overall well-being.

Enhancing one's communication is not just useful; it’s a preventative strategy that saves physical and emotional resources in the long run.

I offer team trainings on essential communication topics such as understanding our differences about speaking style, body language and blind spots, as well as on building specialized skills including active listening and nonviolent communication. One-to-one coaching is another fantastic way to enhance one’s communication. Contact me for a free consultation to discuss your needs and goals.

Follow Your Inner GPS

Have you ever felt a sensation of “I just know” - without having any words or rationale to explain it? Perhaps it was when making a decision between several options, saying yes or no to a new possibility, sensing whether or not to pursue a relationship… The sensation of what to do kind of just came to you, you went with it, and it turned out well.

This “I just know” sensation is our intuition, a mysterious integration of our body, mind and heart intelligences (and perhaps other intelligences too), that is expressed in sensations by our inner guidance or inner GPS. Someone religious or spiritual might use a language involving God, guardian angels, or any other meaningful choice. Regardless of the words used, it’s this hard-to-describe sensation that is not head-based and that is actually tricky explain in words. When we follow such guidance, we’re usually well served and end up satisfied with the results.

How strongly are you connected to your inner GPS? How do you access it when you need it most? How do you know when it’s your GPS guiding you versus another, less intuitive and more reactive, part of you?

What’s tricky is indeed differentiating our inner guidance from other impulses that we routinely experience and that could seem similar at the surface level. The “I just know it’s the right person” when dating, for example. Yet in most instances it’s intense chemistry or a craving for connection that is driving our so-called certainty, rather than our much more subtle intuition.

A key element of our inner guidance or inner GPS is that its messaging is usually quite neutral emotionally. The guidance is low intensity, yet clear and obvious. When intense emotions are involved, the resulting information usually comes from other parts of our system - more reactive, more impulsive, more personality-driven.

It’s important to note that our intuition doesn’t always guide us to what we think we want, and it sometimes seems to defy logic. Yet there is a peaceful, neutral certainty about it.

Living life in alignment with our inner guidance makes all the difference when it comes to making wise choices and ultimately feeling fulfilled. Sometimes it takes us away from things or people we thought we “wanted”, and it ends up being for the best; and other times it leads us to places that initially feel unlikely or even uncomfortable, only to turn out to be the ideal direction.

 How do we cultivate a strong relationship with our inner GPS? 

• Slowing down: living life at a slower pace and with enough of quiet time allows us the spaciousness to sense our more subtle sensations. 

• Mindfulness: a self-observation practice is essential to becoming knowledgeable about our internal landscape, and being able to differentiate intuition from emotions.

• Self-regulation: learning to regulate emotions in real-time to calm down the nervous system supports a more neutral baseline, allowing the noticing of our more peaceful, more neutral intuition.

• Practice and feedback loop: practicing following our intuition and taking notes about the results over time, and giving ourselves feedback on whether it was real intuition or impulsivity. Over time, practice leads to expertise.

Working with an Integral Coach is an excellent way to receive customized guidance on your journey towards building a stronger connection with your inner GPS. Contact me for a free consultation if you’d like to explore what it would look like to work together.

How To Get Unstuck

Have you ever felt stuck?

We can feel stuck in a job, in a relationship with a partner, child or parent, in a specific emotion... We can feel stuck because of ongoing unemployment, a recent retirement, or general directionlessness, but we can also feel stuck in a state of busyness and overwhelm, trapped in the sensation of running on a treadmill that never stops.

Regardless of what led us to feeling stuck, let’s remember the wise words of Einstein:

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” (Albert Einstein)

To get unstuck and restore flow, we’re going to need to access a different kind of intelligence. Such higher level intelligence is already within our self, but most likely still untapped. 

Here are a few ideas that I have tried, either when I need to restore flow in an area of life that is not moving, or when I want to open my whole energy system up to new ways of thinking and experiencing life:

1. (Re)connecting with yourself:

Establishing, committing or recommitting to a practice of connecting with yourself is the most important practice you can do, so please consider only doing this one if you can’t do anything else. 

Get started by simply committing to spending 5 minutes each day to just with yourself, breathing and doing your best to fully be present in your body and feel all your physical sensations. You can do it indoors, outdoors; you can do it in complete silence or by playing some relaxing music. You choose.

When things are stuck and/or overwhelming, such small practice can either seem like too much already or feel like it can’t possibly scratch the surface of your current predicament. When doubts arise, please remember that you need to access a new way of thinking in order to feel better, and that any new suggestion is going to feel foreign and perhaps even crazy.

Being willing to give a chance to something new is the first step to accessing more of your inner intelligence. This process itself is intelligent.

Personally, I’ve been doing various forms of this practice for over 15 years, and it has supported me in all the ups and downs of life. Even In the middle of intense schedules, conflicts, health issues, deaths in the family, I sit with myself for a few minutes every morning and every evening and I remember myself.

2. Engaging in a new creative outlet:

It’s incredible what simply engaging in something brand new or in an activity that you haven’t done in a long time can do for you. It can truly move your energy in surprising ways. The new hobby doesn’t even have to connect to what you’d like to see unstuck, it’s not about logic, it’s about moving your energy, and opening new possibilities in the mind, heart and body.

Ideas to consider trying: taking walks alone, journaling with pen and paper, drawing, dancing, writing, folding origami, doing puzzles, etc.

Recently I started doing some indoor gardening, playing with plant propagation and enjoying watching roots slowly grow in water. On the recommendation of my husband, I’m also following a guided meditation series focused on visualization. Both activities are new to me and not my usual “cup of tea”, yet I’m already noticing some new creativity and motivation arising in completely different areas of my life. 

3. Asking others for input:

Finally, reaching out to someone who is doing well in the area where you’re stuck is going to open up new possibilities. It could be colleague, a friend, a family member, anyone really. Just message them and ask if they’d have a few minutes to give you some input. This is actually what I’m currently doing this summer - asking friends and colleagues to give me a little bit of time to share suggestions and advice in areas where I want to grow. It’s amazing how their ideas and the great questions they ask have helped me think in new ways, and how much wisdom can be received this way. We’re not alone, and we can support one another. We just have to ask.

Conclusion:

We tend to always do the same things, over and over and over, as we’re creatures of habit. As Einstein reminded us, the same old same old is just not going to cut it when we face difficulties. For some, it can be hard try new things, and pretty much for everyone it’s harder to commit to new habits, especially when we’re not feeling great. Yet, it’s when things don’t work that we most need change. Start your new practice with just a few minutes each day, and take it from there. Give it a chance, and trust that when some flow will be restored, you will have more motivation and energy to continue and build from this new momentum. Reconnecting to yourself will unlock new thinking, feeling and behaving. Allow yourself to be surprised!

Forgiveness Is Not Forgetfulness

When someone’s actions lead to pain for our self, it can feel impossible to forgive. After all, forgiveness can feel like giving a gift to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Could this be because we get confused about what forgiveness truly is?

1. Forgiveness is not a gift for the other person.

Forgiveness is actually something that we do for our self, not for the other person. The other person doesn’t even need to know that they are been forgiven. Forgiveness is a crucial step on our path to healing and recovery after having been mistreated, hurt, or worse. 

Not being willing to forgive, or at least try to, can literally harm us. Forgiveness is a gift that we give to our self, so that we can heal from our wounds. Not forgiving leads to resentment and holding on to past hurts. The perpetrator is not punished when we refuse to forgive, it’s actually our own self who is punished by resentment. Let’s not add unnecessary suffering to pain. 

2. Forgiveness doesn’t mean giving a second chance.

Sometimes, we will forgive while also being able to give a second chance to the person who wronged us. Perhaps it’s because it was a small incident, perhaps it was because it was an obvious unintentional mistake; perhaps it’s because the person took accountability for their actions and engaged in steps to make changes. In such case, giving a second chance is appropriate and even desirable. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.

And with that said, there will be plenty of situations that are not suitable for second chances. This could be due to the nature of what happened, or the lack of responsibility taken by the other person, or any other reasons. In that case, forgiveness is still possible but it should not be followed by giving a second chance, or even maintaining a relationship with the person in question.

3. Forgetting could actually hurt you.

On the other hand, equating forgiveness with forgetting can lead to violating our own boundaries and therefore expose our self to further pain. If a second chance is appropriate, it’s actually useful to remember that it’s a second chance, not a first one. Some people are not in a stage of life where they can change. We are in charge to decide how many chances we are willing to give; to do that we have to have a good memory.

Forgiveness, however, is always possible.

We Are Our Habits

"Your habits are how you embody your identity." (James Clear)

Do you have an important goal that still hasn’t materialized in real life?

Being motivated alone won’t get us there. The only way to make progress with our dreams and manifest them into reality is by adopting new habits aligned with those goals and the identity of the person you want to become.

A few years ago, I wrote this article on how to align our long-term goals with daily action items, and more recently, I wrote about the power of organization. Organization and discipline are the foundations to adopting and staying committed to supportive habits.

“The only proper way to eliminate bad habits is to replace them with good ones.” (Jerome Hines)

We also need to replace the habits that don’t serve our long-term vision by new ones that are aligned with who we want to be. Unfortunately it’s not easy to let go of old habits or to commit to new ones. Our nervous system adopts habits that generate an internal reward, and doesn’t stay committed to new habits that don’t bring immediate pleasure or satisfaction. That’s why most of us fail with New Year’s resolutions. When a resolution only relies on willpower, it doesn’t take long for the habit to be abandoned and the old ones to return in full force. We need more than willpower to stay committed.

If you want to learn more about how to work with habits, I recommend you to read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. As you explore his suggestions, it’s also really important to reflect on what caused pain or is causing pain in your life. Our habits are rooted in attempts to get our needs met, and the intensity of our needs is proportional to our unhealed pain and trauma. I believe that it’s another important element to consider in addition to Clear’s phenomenal ideas. The greatest gift you can give yourself is healing your old wounds.

From a place of deeper healing and relaxation, some of our most compulsive habits lose their grip and more energy is made available for adopting new, more productive, habits that will support us in manifesting our most precious dreams.

“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Taking A Breath

Taking a breath is probably the most powerful practice we can train ourselves to add to our daily life.
Taking a breath allows us to “buy time” by squeezing a little pause before speaking or acting impulsively. It’s that mini pause that leads to being to make a choice rather than react on autopilot.

Taking a breath also allows us to self-regulate. This might actually require a few breaths; but nevertheless taking slow mindful breaths engages the section of our vagal nerve that is able to calm down our activation and therefore reactivity.

Finally, taking a breath allows us to integrate any new positive choice that we have made or any new beneficial experience that we just went through. It takes 11 seconds to wire a new habit into our nervous system, which is more or less just three breaths.

How to train ourselves to add this practice to our daily life? Here are a few ideas:

• Putting a sticker or an elastic band to your usual mug or glass, or to another familiar object that you handle regularly at home or at work. Could be the soap dispenser next to the sink.

• Wearing a piece of jewelry to symbolize this new intention, like a ring, a bracelet, etc. Each time you will see it or feel it, you will remember what you are up to.

• Associating taking a breath to a specific habit that you already do often, such as washing your hands, filling up your glass with water, drinking, etc.

The breath is always happening in the present moment. When we connect to it mindfully, we can use it to regulate our emotions, choose response over reaction, and wire new positive habits into our nervous system. It’s totally worth it to train ourselves to do this multiple times per day, so that we have access to it when the stakes are really high and we really need to pause and respond rather than react.

Connecting To Yourself

The most fundamental practice to anchor our well-being and ongoing personal development is making time to connect to oneself on a daily basis. Such daily practice is called an inner work practice. For some people, it’s connected to a religious tradition, for others it’s spiritual but non-religious. The common element among various styles is making it a time of self-remembering, beyond the roles we play and activities that we engage in.

Although I started years ago with just one daily practice, I’m now committed to both a morning practice and an evening practice. I allow myself to be flexible about when I do them, and for how long each practice lasts, but they have to happen. It is extremely grounding to start each day with this practice, and to end the day with a time of self-observation before going to sleep.

What does an inner work practice entail?

It can take various forms and flavors, but the core of it is connecting to your true self or Essence. In order to do that, there must be a physical, emotional, and mental component, so as to connect to all three centers of intelligence. Personally, I like to start with a few mindful breaths, engage in a physical movements and stretches, and also check myself at the emotional and mental level. Setting up an intention can also be part of a lovely morning practice.

Being committed to a daily practice truly supports living an intentional life. It naturally prevents overwhelm and burn out because it reconnects us to who we truly are. These times of checking in with myself allow me to get back to my core, beyond the demands and intensity of daily life. There is a lot of noise and distraction, and my daily practice gets me anchored into the part of myself that can observe and be with all of it without being swayed by any particular event or strong emotion. From this place, there is a greater access to inner guidance, freedom of choice, and joy.

How about you give it a try?