The Hidden Growth Edge for Leaders: Communicate for Connection, Not Control.

When we think about leadership, we often think about titles, hierarchies, and decision-making power. But the true heart of leadership — whether you're managing a team or leading your own life — lies in how we communicate.

And more often than we like to admit, communication becomes a tool for control rather than connection.

I know this firsthand.

Over the years I encountered leaders who held traditional leadership roles but struggled to embody true leadership:

• One supervisor demeaned team members to maintain authority.

• Another was so "hands-off" that projects felt like solitary expeditions.

• I worked under a manipulative leader who gaslighted team members to deflect blame and avoid accountability.

• And one leader made meetings uncomfortable by openly evaluating female team members' bodies with prolonged, uncomfortable stares.

Every one of these leaders was brilliant in their own right, yet lacked credibility because of a unique problem that they were struggling with without realizing it. Each experience shaped my understanding of what leadership is — and, just as importantly, what it isn't.

Leadership isn’t about control. It’s not about using authority as a shield or weapon.
Leadership is about connection — and by connection, I don’t mean needing to bond or being friends — I mean cultivating mutual respect, real understanding, and credibility in how we engage with one another.

Leadership starts with self-leadership.

We lead every time we take responsibility — for a project, a conversation, or a relationship — whether in a professional or personal setting.
To be a great leader, we can choose to communicate with respect and attunement — whether we’re speaking to a colleague, a client, a partner, or yourself.

Indeed, the habits we build in your internal dialogue show up everywhere else.

While my background is in STEM environments, the need to focus on connection and serving others applies across all fields.
In highly technical settings especially, it can be easy to fall into the trap of believing that "connection" is secondary to logic, efficiency, and innovation.

But the reality is: even the best team members will fail if they’re not part of a well-connected team with a well-attuned leader.
Connection isn’t a soft skill. It’s a force multiplier for everything else you’re trying to achieve.

So if you're looking for your next growth edge as a leader — or simply as a human being — start by noticing:
* Are you communicating to control?
* Or are you communicating to connect?

The difference shapes not just the conversations you have — it shapes the future you're building.