You Don't Have To Swallow Everything Someone Serves You. But You Can Taste Everything (Part 1/2)

Part 1: Introducing the Plate Model

What if we approached communication as something served on a plate, just like when you're offered appetizers at a party?

Imagine that when someone says something to you or behaves in a certain way, their words or actions land on a plate in front of you.

You can look at it. Consider it. Get curious about it. Taste it. You can like it or dislike it. You can agree or disagree.

You may decide there's something worth taking in, even if it's not particularly pleasant. You can ask questions, discuss it, or simply leave it on the plate.

Basically, you don't have to automatically take it in, make it yours, or take it personally.

The same applies when you communicate with others.

What if you adjusted how you express your thoughts, feedback, opinions, and feelings so that they sound like offers served on someone else's plate? Making them available for consideration, without expecting the other person to agree, accept them, or change as a result.

I call this concept the Plate Model of Communication.

Years ago, using this approach myself fundamentally changed how I receive people's communication and behaviors. Since then, I have become much less reactive to what is said or done. This metaphor immediately creates more space to consider what someone is communicating or doing rather than automatically deciding whether I like it, taking it personally, or reacting to it.

Conversely, I've also changed the way I phrase and share my own ideas, making it much easier for others to question, discuss, or disagree with them.

When something is served on a plate, there is room to ask questions, clarify understanding, express differences of opinion, and even negotiate.

Over the years, I've shared this concept with dozens of coaching clients working on their reactivity in communication. Without exception, people stop in their tracks when they first hear this model. Something clicks, and they start applying it immediately.

In Part 2, I'll share how using this model can change everyday interactions at work and in our personal lives.

What if you could hear something you disagree with without feeling the need to react, defend yourself, or take it personally?