How The Three Instincts Shape The Way You Communicate (Part 1)
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Most people think communication is about words. Or tone. Or body language.
It is.
But that’s only part of the story.
Underneath our communication patterns—what we say, how we say it, when we speak up or go quiet—are instinctual drives that shape our focus, priorities, and interpersonal presence.
The Enneagram teaches that we each have three Instincts that help us survive and thrive:
Self-Preservation (SP) – focused on safety, comfort, and well-being
Sexual (SX) – drawn to intensity, chemistry, and depth
Social (SO) – attuned to group dynamics, belonging, and shared purpose
We all have all three—but one usually leads the way. It becomes our unconscious “first filter,” shaping what we notice, avoid, and emphasize—including in communication with others.
Let’s start with the Self-Preservation instinct.
People with strong SP instincts are often steady, practical, and resource-conscious. In communication, this can show up as:
Strengths:
* Clear, grounded messaging
* Reliable follow-through
* Attunement to logistical needs (“Is this sustainable?” “Is there a plan?”)
Challenges:
* Hesitating to speak if the environment feels unsafe or unstructured
* Prioritizing stability over connection or belonging
* Being so self-contained that others miss their needs or input
Ever been in a meeting where someone seemed quiet—but then dropped a practical insight that grounded the whole room? That’s often SP at work.
SP instinct doesn’t mean introversion. It means communication is filtered through a need for sustainability and safety. And when under stress, that instinct might clamp down: fewer words, more internal focus, less emotional availability.
Next up: how the Sexual instinct shapes communication through intensity, out-of-the-box thinking, and a drive for transformation.
Do you recognize any of these SP patterns in yourself—or in someone you work with?
