You Don't Have To Swallow Everything Someone Serves You. But You Can Taste Everything (Part 2/2)

Part 2: Putting the Plate Model into Practice

In my previous post, I introduced the Plate Model of Communication: imagining that what others say or do is served on a plate for us to consider, rather than something we automatically absorb or take personally.

The same goes for what we offer others. We can express our thoughts, feedback, opinions, and feelings as offers for consideration, without expecting others to accept them or agree with us.

Think about how using this model could change everyday interactions at work:

• Giving and receiving feedback: When receiving feedback, you don't have to agree with someone's assessment or immediately defend yourself. You can ask questions, explore what might be useful, and decide what you want to take in. When giving feedback, you offer your observations and perspective without presenting your interpretation as the absolute truth.

• Brainstorming ideas: You can put an idea forward with much less attachment to it. Others can question it, challenge it, build on it, or choose something else. You don't need to defend your idea simply because it was yours, and you don't need to accept someone else's idea simply because they suggested it.

• Disagreements: You can listen to someone else's perspective without feeling that you have to agree, defend your position, or convince them you're right. You can explore where you differ and perhaps discover something you hadn't considered.

• Difficult conversations: Someone can express frustration, disappointment, or criticism without you automatically absorbing their emotions or interpreting them as a personal attack. You can acknowledge their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their interpretation. You can listen, clarify what they're asking for, and decide how you want to respond.

The same applies in personal conversations. You can hear a partner's frustration without automatically taking it as a personal attack, or express your own needs without expecting the other person to agree with them.

The openness and freedom this approach creates can bring much more ease to our relationships, even when nothing concrete is decided or resolved in a particular conversation.

The Plate Model of Communication creates space between what is communicated and how we receive or respond to it.

We can offer without imposing. We can receive without absorbing. And we can make room for each other's words and behaviors without having to agree or convince each other.

What might change in your next conversation if you imagined everything being offered on a plate?